Driving in Paris

How to drive in Paris for the American (rough draft - come back for updates)

Short version: What, are you crazy? Don't do it!

Long version:

OK, so you got a car somewhere and you decide you want to drive into Paris yourself, because, hey, you're an American, public transportation is for losers and poor people! And you've driven in, say, Manhattan, Miami, Atlanta, Houston or someplace like that. How much harder can it be?

Lots.

If you HAVEN'T driven in some crazy place like Manhattan, just give up now. You don't have the proper training. Trust me on this. No matter how many times you play some driving game on your PS2 that has Paris in it, it ain't the same. It might be a little help, but it's not enough. I mean, I have driven in all those places, and the Autobahn, at night, no moon, raining, through construction zones. All that is just a warmup.

Let's start with the easy stuff first: You really need to know exactly where you are going - to park your car! In all the big American cities, there are parking garages. They may cost a bunch, but they exist. Not so in Paris. Also, while there are places to park on the street and parking meters, the meters don't take MONEY! They take what I believe is called a ParisCard. (Ooh, same with pay phones! They don't take money! You need a card of some sort! So if you're lost you can't call anyone!) I got lucky (eventually) with an AutoSur parking garage right off the Place d' Italie, only 12 Euro for 24 hours. Problem: no one there until 8:30 to check you in. So, park in an empty spot and wait til 8:30. Taxi from Place d' Italie to the Left Bank across from the Louvre was 7.30 (you can say Saint Germain de Pres, it's real close).

Because you want to be in Paris waayyy before 8:30. If you can get into town just after dawn, you can make stupid mistakes and not get arrested or cause a wreck (you did buy the extra insurance on your rental car right? Or at least double-checked with both your credit card company and your car insurance company to be SURE you are covered?). Like most cities, 6 a.m. is still the province of delivery drivers, newspaper deliveries and trash collectors. Also, the rising sun lets you determine roughly which way is east. A compass couldn't hurt either. Because the streets ain't laid out in a grid - they radiate out from the center, curve, make loops and I think possibly turn upside-down in a couple of places. A co-pilot couldn't hurt, in fact it's almost mandatory. And, lest you try to press your 12-year-old kid into action as co-pilot: kids are not awake at dawn, no matter how much you want them to be. I Know.

Did I mention that the streets also change names every couple of blocks? I forgot to mention that. Also, street signs are affixed to the buildings, not hanging from someplace useful like the traffic lights or out at the actual corner of the streets. So if you wear glasses, make sure you have them, or else a co-pilot who can see. And of course the streets go from being two-way to one-way occasionally too, with very little warning. No right-on-red either. And, oh yeah, not ALL the streets in Paris are actually on the maps. I had two different maps, and the hotel I was trying to find was on neither, and it wasn't on any other map I ever found.

Another little oddity is that it appears that the little white lines that divide lanes (when they exist, because there aren't any in lots of places) are for motorcycles and scooters. This can be a touch unnerving, when someone roars up from behind you and squeezes between you and other cars, especially when you had just gotten up enough nerve to try to change lanes. Again, a co-pilot is just about mandatory. One of the Andretti's maybe. Drive aggressively - otherwise you confuse the natives. Cut people off, accelerate like a nut, an so forth. Watch some racing in prep.

And I guess, last but not least, thou shalt learn some French. I found that having a guidebook with "French" written on it worked wonders. It shows you are trying. You need to know some things like "right" and "left" and "one-way".

How to drive in Paris for the American (rough draft - come back for updates) Short version: What, are you crazy? Don't do it! Long version: OK, so you got a car somewhere and you decide you want to drive into Paris yourself, because, hey, you're an American, public transportation is for losers and poor people! And you've driven in, say, Manhattan, Miami, Atlanta, Houston or someplace like that. How much harder can it be? Lots. If you HAVEN'T driven in some crazy place like Manhattan, just give up now. You don't have the proper training. Trust me on this. No matter how many times you play some driving game on your PS2 that has Paris in it, it ain't the same. It might be a little help, but it's not enough. I mean, I have driven in all those places, and the Autobahn, at night, no moon, raining, through construction zones. All that is just a warmup. Let's start with the easy stuff first: You really need to know exactly where you are going - to park your car! In all the big American cities, there are parking garages. They may cost a bunch, but they exist. Not so in Paris. Also, while there are places to park on the street and parking meters, the meters don't take MONEY! They take what I believe is called a ParisCard. (Ooh, same with pay phones! They don't take money! You need a card of some sort! So if you're lost you can't call anyone!) I got lucky (eventually) with an AutoSur parking garage right off the Place d' Italie, only 12 Euro for 24 hours. Problem: no one there until 8:30 to check you in. So, park in an empty spot and wait til 8:30. Taxi from Place d' Italie to the Left Bank across from the Louvre was 7.30 (you can say Saint Germain de Pres, it's real close). Because you want to be in Paris waayyy before 8:30. If you can get into town just after dawn, you can make stupid mistakes and not get arrested or cause a wreck (you did buy the extra insurance on your rental car right? Or at least double-checked with both your credit card company and your car insurance company to be SURE you are covered?). Like most cities, 6 a.m. is still the province of delivery drivers, newspaper deliveries and trash collectors. Also, the rising sun lets you determine roughly which way is east. A compass couldn't hurt either. Because the streets ain't laid out in a grid - they radiate out from the center, curve, make loops and I think possibly turn upside-down in a couple of places. A co-pilot couldn't hurt, in fact it's almost mandatory. And, lest you try to press your 12-year-old kid into action as co-pilot: kids are not awake at dawn, no matter how much you want them to be. I Know. Did I mention that the streets also change names every couple of blocks? I forgot to mention that. Also, street signs are affixed to the buildings, not hanging from someplace useful like the traffic lights or out at the actual corner of the streets. So if you wear glasses, make sure you have them, or else a co-pilot who can see. And of course the streets go from being two-way to one-way occasionally too, with very little warning. No right-on-red either. And, oh yeah, not ALL the streets in Paris are actually on the maps. I had two different maps, and the hotel I was trying to find was on neither, and it wasn't on any other map I ever found. Another little oddity is that it appears that the little white lines that divide lanes (when they exist, because there aren't any in lots of places) are for motorcycles and scooters. This can be a touch unnerving, when someone roars up from behind you and squeezes between you and other cars, especially when you had just gotten up enough nerve to try to change lanes. Again, a co-pilot is just about mandatory. One of the Andretti's maybe. Drive aggressively - otherwise you confuse the natives. Cut people off, accelerate like a nut, an so forth. Watch some racing in prep. And I guess, last but not least, thou shalt learn some French. I found that having a guidebook with "French" written on it worked wonders. It shows you are trying. You need to know some things like "right" and "left" and "one-way".